CHEMIST'S BAD DAY
Added on: 7th Jan 2016
UPON ARRIVING HOME IN EAGER
ANTICIPATION OF A LEISURELY EVENING,
HE HUSBAND WAS MET AT THE DOOR
BY HIS SOBBING WIFE.
TEARFULLY SHE EXPLAINED,
"IT'S THE DRUGGIST,
HE INSULTED ME TERRIBLY THIS
MORNING ON THE PHONE."
IMMEDIATELY THE HUSBAND DROVE
DOWNTOWN TO ACCOST THE DRUGGIST
AND DEMAND AN APOLOGY.
BEFORE HE COULD SAY MORE
THAN A WORD OR TWO,
THE DRUGGIST TOLD HIM,
"NOW, JUST A MINUTE,
LISTEN TO MY SIDE OF IT.
THIS MORNING THE ALARM
FAILED TO GO OFF,
SO I WAS LATE GETTING UP.
I WENT WITHOUT BREAKFAST AND
HURRIED OUT TO THE CAR,
BUT I'LL BE DAMNED IF I DIDN'T
LOCK THE HOUSE WITH BOTH HOUSE
AND CAR KEYS INSIDE.
I HAD TO BREAK A WINDOW
TO GET MY KEYS.
DRIVING A LITTLE TOO FAST,
I GOT A SPEEDING TICKET.
THEN, ABOUT THREE BLOCKS FROM
THE STORE I HAD A FLAT TIRE.
WHEN I FINALLY GOT TO THE STORE
THERE WAS A BUNCH OF PEOPLE
WAITING FOR ME TO OPEN UP.
I GOT THE STORE OPENED AND
STARTED WAITING ON THESE PEOPLE
AND ALL THE TIME THE DARN PHONE
WAS RINGING ITS HEAD OFF.
THEN I HAD TO BREAK A ROLL OF
NICKELS AGAINST THE CASH
REGISTER DRAWER TO MAKE CHANGE
AND THEY SPILLED ALL OVER THE FLOOR.
I GOT DOWN ON MY HANDS AND KNEES
TO PICK UP THE NICKELS.
THE PHONE IS STILL RINGING,
WHEN I CAME UP I CRACKED MY
HEAD ON THE OPEN CASH DRAWER,
WHICH MADE ME STAGGER BACK
AGAINST A SHOWCASE WITH A
BUNCH OF PERFUME BOTTLES ON IT
AND HALF OF THEM HIT THE FLOOR AND BROKE.
THE PHONE IS STILL RINGING
WITH NO LET UP
AND I FINALLY GOT BACK TO ANSWER IT.
IT WAS YOUR WIFE,
SHE WANTED TO KNOW HOW TO
USE A RECTAL THERMOMETER.
WELL, MISTER,
I TOLD HER!"
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