DOG FOOD DIET
Added on: 20th Jul 2016
SO, I'M AT A STORE BUYING A BAG
OF DOG FOOD FOR MY DOG.
WHILE IN THE CHECK-OUT LINE,
A WOMAN BEHIND ME ASKED
IF I HAD A DOG.
SO ON IMPULSE I TOLD HER THAT NO,
I DIDN'T HAVE A DOG.
I TOLD HER THAT I WAS STARTING
THE DOG FOOD DIET AGAIN
AND THAT I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T
BECAUSE I ENDED UP IN
HOSPITAL LAST TIME, BUT THAT I'D
LOST 50 POUNDS BEFORE I
AWAKENED IN INTENSIVE CARE
WITH TUBES COMING OUT OF
MOST OF MY ORIFICES AND
IVS IN BOTH ARMS.
I TOLD HER THAT IT WAS
ESSENTIALLY A PERFECT DIET AND
ALL YOU DO IS LOAD YOUR POCKETS
WITH FOOD NUGGETS AND SIMPLY EAT
ONE OR TWO EVERY TIME YOU FEEL HUNGRY.
THE FOOD IS NUTRITIONALLY
COMPLETE SO IT WORKS WELL
AND I WAS GOING TO TRY IT AGAIN.
(AT THAT POINT PRACTICALLY
EVERYONE IN LINE WAS NOW
ENTHRALLED WITH MY STORY.)
HORRIFIED, THE LADY BEHIND
ASKED IF I ENDED UP IN
INTENSIVE CARE BECAUSE THE
DOG FOOD POISONED ME.
I TOLD HER NO,
I STEPPED OFF A CURB TO
SNIFF A POODLE'S BUTT AND
A CAR HIT ME.
I THOUGHT THE GUY BEHIND HER
WAS GOING TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK
HE WAS LAUGHING SO HARD.
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